Not such an original title, I know. Anyway, happy birthday to me. Actually, it should be happy belated birthday. I am officially 20++ years old. I’m not going to reveal my true age. I’m in my late twenties. That’s the only hint I’m giving.
My last post was almost 2 years ago. What has happened between those two years? A lot. I became a medical officer. I moved back to my hometown. I am still with my beloved boyfriend, who was previously my medical officer when I was a houseman.
And the biggest change? I have resigned from the government. I am still a doctor. I still have a medical degree and an annual practicing certificate. I still can practice medicine in private centres and private clinics and all. But deep down, is that what I really want to do? I mean, do I really want to spend the rest of my life doing something I was never passionate about in the first place?
Ever since I started working–no, let me rephrase that–ever since I started medical school, all I have been doing is questioning my choice of career. When I was younger, I had so much passion and fire. I always told myself to follow my dreams. Do what I want to do, because it’s what I want, not do what people expected me to do. I convinced myself everyday that I had it in me and to prove everyone wrong. I have the diaries to prove it. Boy, I just LOVED writing that time.
But as the years went by, the one thing that I kept telling myself NOT to do when I was younger was the ONLY thing I did. And that was to do what other people expected me to do–not what I wanted to do. And I ended up here. In my late twenties and still questioning myself, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?
After resigning, I was so transfixed to doing one thing–continuing my medical career. Get a job at a private clinic or private hospital, which, to be completely honest, is quite difficult. I am still considered inexperienced. I only have three and half years of working experience under my belt. For a career in managing people’s life and death, it’s actually not a lot of experience.
But maybe the reason I resigned was not to get out of government. Maybe it’s so I could find something that I wanted to do. Finally. When I was tied up with the government, I never had time for anything. All I did was work, oncall, weekends were never free. I jumped from one department to another, but still working in a hospital setting. I was unhappy. The only thing that got me through all of it was my wonderful friends. And my boyfriend. But truth to be told, I was so unhappy. I never felt content. It’s a noble job, I know. Being a doctor is a really noble job. I got many gratitude from patients.
But I still was so unhappy.
Then tonight, my boyfriend said something to me. Something so simple. Something that I should have done so long ago. It was such a no-brainer, yet it never, not once, ever crossed my mind.
Do something that you like.
After I resigned, I was so scared. I felt like it was something I should regret doing. I was so scared I would never find another job in the medical field.
But tonight, my perspective has changed. I’m much older than I was almost 9 years ago when I first started medical school. I was naive at that time, listening to other people but never listening to myself. Maybe now is the chance for me to change that. It’s still not too late. Maybe I was never meant to be in the medical field. Maybe I’m meant to do something else.
Maybe.
They are all just a bunch of maybe’s.
But if I don’t take that leap, that jump, that risk, then I’ll never know, right?
This could be the beginning of a totally new turn in my life. Wish me the best of luck.
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